Thoughts on slavery

Thinking about slavery. And families. And people.

There are people who have claimed slaves were treated like family. And other people, rightly, pointing out that, no, that wasn't true. Including that the very fact of being, legally, property, is different than being family. But I was thinking, both of those viewpoints seem to be assuming "treated like family" is a good thing. Usually true. But not always the case. Abuse within families is very real.

Of course, on average family were treated significantly better than slaves, I think it's safe to say. But also, with all the variations in how slaves were treated, and how family was (and is) treated, one thing was universal. Slaves couldn't leave. Legally bound to stay. Family more freedom. Adult males, free to leave. Children, women, less so. Not the same freedom to leave as an adult white male. But still more free than a slave.

And, though I'm not an expert on the time period, I imagine people would have been more likely to want to intervene to help someone experiencing abuse in their family than with slaves, and also much more legally able to.

Society is a complex thing. But some things are fairly simple. And people being considered, legally, to be property is a nasty thing. It's human trafficking endorsed by and enforced by the legal system.

On responsibility for choices

A friend posted a quote. It was about being responsible for the choices we make. But the way it was worded, it was too dismissive of circumstances and experiences. I'm not going to repeat the quote, but my reply was:

Yes, we are responsible for our choices, I agree. But our choices interrelate with things we didn't choose. And this text on the graphic ignores the strong impact on our lives of the things we didn't choose. It doesn't say we can overcome difficulties. It just brushes everything that's not choice aside like it doesn't matter.

But it reminded me of another quote I heard years ago. Which I had to seek out so I could quote it.

"We are not responsible for how we came to be who we are as adults but as adults we are responsible for whom we have become and for everything we say and do." Dr. Joseph Santoro.

In my own words: You aren't responsible for the bad things that happened to you. You aren't responsible for things you didn't learn, or wrong things you learned growing up. But you, as an adult, are responsible now for learning and growing, for becoming the best you that you can be. Continually challenging yourself. And trying your best to make good choices.

And the context of where I encountered that quote was definitely talking about self-improvement, not an expectation of instantly doing everything right.

Yeah, I believe in being responsible for our choices. But let's recognize, in ourselves and others, the things that affect who we are, as well as the things that continue to limit us.

Profit as a motive for good or bad

So, the Washington NFL team are no longer the Redskins. And, apparently, the reason they are doing it now is not because they've seen the light about the wrongness of the name. It's profit. Other companies won't do business with them, and suddenly they change their mind.

This reminds me of something I was thinking after reading a book on racism.

One tragic part of racism was companies and politicians using racism, even feeding it, for profit. J.C. Nichols and Bob Wood, each in different ways, in Kansas City real estate for a couple examples.

And I was thinking, it's much better when companies making their choices with a profit motive make good choices... choices that respect diversity and bring people together, instead of nurturing division and hatred. Choices that foster sustainability, rather than using up resources and destroying the planet.

No, I'm not thrilled by people or companies doing good for profit. But it beats doing ill for profit.

The phrase vs. the movement

I've seen people discount the whole "Black Lives Matter movement" because they disagree with something done by people in some way associated with it, or with some goals of some of the people.

But, see, "Black lives matter", it's a simple phrase. And you don't have to agree with everything said or done by people using that set of 3 words to agree that the lives of Black people matter, and to, thus, say Black lives matter.

People are complicated, and people are varied. It's probably impossible to agree with everything that falls under the "Black Lives Matter" umbrella. Because likely different people have different ideas that conflict. But none of the real or imagined negatives discount the fact that the lives of Black people matter.

Engaging with others

A couple things got me thinking about how we talk to others.

One, a friend posted something, involving politics and religion, something I disagree with. I didn't comment. Doing so, I felt, would have required more time and thought than I had to put into it. Others who also disagreed did comment, and without bothering to put care and thought into it (it seems to me). And what struck me was the pointlessness of their comments. They weren't going to change anyone's mind, or give them something to think about. It's a comment that would push away anyone who doesn't already agree. Including the person who posted. Which, why would you do that on a friends post? What's the point?

When we speak or write, especially on matters where there's a lot of disagreement or differing viewpoints, we really need to think about who we are talking to, speak to them, not at them. And, if replying to something, think about what was said. Engage. Dialogue.

On the other hand, sometimes you do have to stand up against false statements, putdowns, harshness, and such.

I got muted for a week recently in a Facebook group I'm in (for fans of an author I like). I'm not unhappy about it. Because, I know that, on my part, I was standing up for something. And I also understand how it made sense for the admin or moderator to just do that to everyone in the conversation, rather than pick apart who was at fault.

The person, in a discussion of a detail in the books (which don't have much religious content at all, but this bit was) made a comment saying Catholics differ from Christians in something. I said Catholics are Christians. She gave a half-hearted apology but didn't really get why she was wrong in her wording.

Speak up for the truth when appropriate. When someone's listening for whom what you say might make a difference. Speak up against attacks. In particular, to the person attacked,  in support (or just more generally, in their support). To the person who said it, if they might listen, in a way that's engages them, rather than making them feel attacked.

But be willing to not say anything at all. And be prepared to listen and think, and sometimes research, before you do say something.

On "All Lives Matter"

Written by me in response to someone who was in turn responding to something commenting on "all lives matter" as a response to "Black lives matter":

It's a matter of context. Yes, all lives matter. That's why the message that black lives matter is so important. "All lives matter" as a response to "black lives matter" is dismissing the experiences of black people, and the importance of the message that their lives matter. "All lives matter" used used to mean white lives matter more than black lives is despicable.

Changes

I really hate the argument that changing X doesn't solve problem N, therefore it's a waste to do X. Grrr. Just because something doesn't solve the world's problems doesn't mean it doesn't need to be done.

Of course, usually, the real reason behind the argument is they object to the change. A change others recognize is a change that should happen.

Treating someone with respect doesn't solve all their problems. But I should still treat people with respect. (And I mean an equality sort of respect, not a some people above others sort of respect.) And some changes people, companies, governments, and such, choose to make because they realize making those changes is necessary for treating everyone with respect.

Why we should wear facemasks

The evidence that wearing masks works is statistics. We know that in areas where almost everyone wears masks, there's less spread of COVID-19. Understanding the specifics of why and how that works isn't necessary to know that it does.

Did you know that Florence Nightingale was a statistician? She used statistics to understand what was and wasn't good nursing care, and thus improved nursing care.

And looking at the numbers is how we know that wearing masks works. If people in a community wear masks, that reduces the number of people in the community that get COVID-19. And, yes, you might be one of the people that benefits from everyone wearing masks.

Lives Matter

Seems to me "all lives matter", that set of words, has been appropriated by people who don't actually believe that. Or who at least don't believe all lives matter equally. I feel like we need to re-appropriate those words in our responses to them. Use the words "all lives matter" (no capitals) along with "Black lives matter" (with or without capitals). Something like, "I believe all lives matter, and that's why I support Black Lives Matter", or, "Yes, all lives matter, thus the importance of the message that "Black lives matter".

Additionally, people listen more if you start by agreeing with them rather than by disagreeing with them or attacking them.

#BlackLivesMatter

I see "Black lives matter", and for me it's a reminder that all lives matter, mine included, with a focus on black lives, in response to black lives being treated as if they don't matter. It's pointing out that some lives are treated as if they don't matter.

Thoughts on abortion

Written May 17, 2019, posted on Facebook.

So, lots of talk related to the issue of abortion. Which I tend to not comment on because I can't just simply agree. I definitely am on the pro-choice side of the legal issue, but I don't agree with everything pro-choice people say. Some things I strongly disagree with.

The "pro-life" side, the argument (at it's best at least) seems to be unborn children have a right to life, therefore abortion is morally wrong, and therefore it should be illegal. Unborn children have a right to life, I have no problem with that idea (though one can be more nuanced about it). Therefore it's morally wrong... as a general viewpoint that's more or less how I feel, but, for me, that does not at all extend to judging particular people in particular situations. I hear woman who tell stories of why they got an abortion, and I can't judge. I can't say they are wrong. And the idea of doing so is alien to me. And, so, as you can imagine, I also don't agree with jumping from "it's morally wrong" to "it should be illegal". I don't believe in basing laws on morality.

I think laws should be based on rights. Protecting rights. And not just as a statement that something is wrong because it's infringes on someone's rights, but practically protecting rights. I'm not going to go into all the detail of my thinking on this issue, but there's a few thoughts I want to share.

I do think abortion is not a good thing, and we should do everything we can to minimize abortions. But I don't at all like the idea of doing that by legally preventing a woman who wants an abortion from getting one. I'd rather we, as a society, do what we can so she's not in that situation. Which can mostly be summed up as: support women. Make birth control available and affordable. Men, don't have sex with women without their full and clear consent. And do your part to create a culture where that's the norm. And let's support pregnant women and mothers. No matter how the mother got pregnant.

I dislike the "exception for rape or incest" idea. It seems to me supporting such a provision in an abortion law comes from either wanting the law to be based on mortality, or else a compromise because it's better than the same law without that provision. But I don't like the idea of a woman having to prove she was raped. I don't like the idea of the woman's decision being everyone else's business. Seems to me better to leave it to her, her chosen medical professionals, and those she goes to for support. Trying to implement an "exception" law, for those reasons or medical reasons, seems both really messy to implement and unfair to women.

And I dislike that abortion being illegal, rather than this stopping abortions, it would mean going back to the days when women can't trust the safety of an abortion. The law does a good job of making sure abortions are safe. How about we let it do that and work to reduce/eliminate abortions in a way that supports and empowers women.

And then there's the fact that it seems like those that push for anti-abortion laws aren't coming from a place of respecting life. And if you don't respect women (or blacks, or foreigners, etc), then you can't really be said to respect life.