Thoughts on slavery

Thinking about slavery. And families. And people.

There are people who have claimed slaves were treated like family. And other people, rightly, pointing out that, no, that wasn't true. Including that the very fact of being, legally, property, is different than being family. But I was thinking, both of those viewpoints seem to be assuming "treated like family" is a good thing. Usually true. But not always the case. Abuse within families is very real.

Of course, on average family were treated significantly better than slaves, I think it's safe to say. But also, with all the variations in how slaves were treated, and how family was (and is) treated, one thing was universal. Slaves couldn't leave. Legally bound to stay. Family more freedom. Adult males, free to leave. Children, women, less so. Not the same freedom to leave as an adult white male. But still more free than a slave.

And, though I'm not an expert on the time period, I imagine people would have been more likely to want to intervene to help someone experiencing abuse in their family than with slaves, and also much more legally able to.

Society is a complex thing. But some things are fairly simple. And people being considered, legally, to be property is a nasty thing. It's human trafficking endorsed by and enforced by the legal system.

On responsibility for choices

A friend posted a quote. It was about being responsible for the choices we make. But the way it was worded, it was too dismissive of circumstances and experiences. I'm not going to repeat the quote, but my reply was:

Yes, we are responsible for our choices, I agree. But our choices interrelate with things we didn't choose. And this text on the graphic ignores the strong impact on our lives of the things we didn't choose. It doesn't say we can overcome difficulties. It just brushes everything that's not choice aside like it doesn't matter.

But it reminded me of another quote I heard years ago. Which I had to seek out so I could quote it.

"We are not responsible for how we came to be who we are as adults but as adults we are responsible for whom we have become and for everything we say and do." Dr. Joseph Santoro.

In my own words: You aren't responsible for the bad things that happened to you. You aren't responsible for things you didn't learn, or wrong things you learned growing up. But you, as an adult, are responsible now for learning and growing, for becoming the best you that you can be. Continually challenging yourself. And trying your best to make good choices.

And the context of where I encountered that quote was definitely talking about self-improvement, not an expectation of instantly doing everything right.

Yeah, I believe in being responsible for our choices. But let's recognize, in ourselves and others, the things that affect who we are, as well as the things that continue to limit us.

Profit as a motive for good or bad

So, the Washington NFL team are no longer the Redskins. And, apparently, the reason they are doing it now is not because they've seen the light about the wrongness of the name. It's profit. Other companies won't do business with them, and suddenly they change their mind.

This reminds me of something I was thinking after reading a book on racism.

One tragic part of racism was companies and politicians using racism, even feeding it, for profit. J.C. Nichols and Bob Wood, each in different ways, in Kansas City real estate for a couple examples.

And I was thinking, it's much better when companies making their choices with a profit motive make good choices... choices that respect diversity and bring people together, instead of nurturing division and hatred. Choices that foster sustainability, rather than using up resources and destroying the planet.

No, I'm not thrilled by people or companies doing good for profit. But it beats doing ill for profit.

The phrase vs. the movement

I've seen people discount the whole "Black Lives Matter movement" because they disagree with something done by people in some way associated with it, or with some goals of some of the people.

But, see, "Black lives matter", it's a simple phrase. And you don't have to agree with everything said or done by people using that set of 3 words to agree that the lives of Black people matter, and to, thus, say Black lives matter.

People are complicated, and people are varied. It's probably impossible to agree with everything that falls under the "Black Lives Matter" umbrella. Because likely different people have different ideas that conflict. But none of the real or imagined negatives discount the fact that the lives of Black people matter.

Engaging with others

A couple things got me thinking about how we talk to others.

One, a friend posted something, involving politics and religion, something I disagree with. I didn't comment. Doing so, I felt, would have required more time and thought than I had to put into it. Others who also disagreed did comment, and without bothering to put care and thought into it (it seems to me). And what struck me was the pointlessness of their comments. They weren't going to change anyone's mind, or give them something to think about. It's a comment that would push away anyone who doesn't already agree. Including the person who posted. Which, why would you do that on a friends post? What's the point?

When we speak or write, especially on matters where there's a lot of disagreement or differing viewpoints, we really need to think about who we are talking to, speak to them, not at them. And, if replying to something, think about what was said. Engage. Dialogue.

On the other hand, sometimes you do have to stand up against false statements, putdowns, harshness, and such.

I got muted for a week recently in a Facebook group I'm in (for fans of an author I like). I'm not unhappy about it. Because, I know that, on my part, I was standing up for something. And I also understand how it made sense for the admin or moderator to just do that to everyone in the conversation, rather than pick apart who was at fault.

The person, in a discussion of a detail in the books (which don't have much religious content at all, but this bit was) made a comment saying Catholics differ from Christians in something. I said Catholics are Christians. She gave a half-hearted apology but didn't really get why she was wrong in her wording.

Speak up for the truth when appropriate. When someone's listening for whom what you say might make a difference. Speak up against attacks. In particular, to the person attacked,  in support (or just more generally, in their support). To the person who said it, if they might listen, in a way that's engages them, rather than making them feel attacked.

But be willing to not say anything at all. And be prepared to listen and think, and sometimes research, before you do say something.